Couples Therapy Amsterdam – EFT Relationship Therapy

Are you and your partner struggling to understand each other? Perhaps you keep having the same arguments, feel increasingly distant, or find it difficult to talk about what really matters without ending up in conflict.

 

I'm Coen Hamming, an EFT couples therapist and coach in Amsterdam. I offer couples therapy in English and Dutch, helping partners understand each other better, improve communication and rebuild their emotional connection.

 

My approach is based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), developed by Dr. Sue Johnson.

 

When you feel unheard or misunderstood in your relationship

What I often see in couples who are struggling is that both partners become focused on their own feelings and their own point of view.

 

You may feel that your partner doesn't understand you or isn't really listening. You try to explain yourself, perhaps becoming increasingly frustrated when your message doesn't seem to get through.

 

At the same time, your partner may be experiencing exactly the same thing.

 

Both of you feel unheard, unseen or misunderstood. Where your relationship once started with a strong feeling of us, it may gradually have become me against you.

 

When emotions run high, it becomes increasingly difficult to listen to each other. Conversations turn into arguments, with both partners blaming, explaining or defending themselves. And the harder you try to make your point, the further apart you may feel.

 

If this continues for a long time, it can lead to repeated conflicts, emotional distance or eventually a sense of resignation.

 

What can couples therapy help with?

In my practice in Amsterdam, I work with couples experiencing different kinds of relationship difficulties, including:

 

• Recurring arguments and communication problems
• Feeling misunderstood, unheard or emotionally disconnected
• Difficulties expressing feelings, needs and boundaries
• Trust issues, jealousy or infidelity
• Fear of abandonment or commitment
• Intimacy problems and growing emotional distance
• Different expectations or needs within the relationship
• Doubts about the relationship or whether to stay together

 

Although the circumstances may be different, I often see a similar underlying difficulty: both partners want to be understood, but the way they communicate makes it difficult to reach each other.

 

EFT couples therapy – Understanding what lies beneath the conflict

My approach to couples therapy is based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).

 

In EFT, we explore the underlying feelings, fears and desires that influence how you respond to each other.

 

When your partner says or does something that hurts you, your reaction may be so strong that there is little room left to listen to their side of the story. Your partner may then respond defensively, creating a pattern in which you both feel increasingly unsafe and disconnected.

 

During our sessions, I help you recognise these patterns and understand what is happening beneath the surface.

 

What is it that really hurts? What are you afraid of? What do you need from your partner but find difficult to express?

 

By exploring these questions, you can begin to understand not only your partner's reactions, but also your own.

 

Learning to really hear each other

One of the most important parts of my work is creating an environment where both partners have the opportunity to tell their story and feel genuinely heard.

 

I guide your conversations and help you avoid the familiar pitfalls of blaming, accusing, explaining and defending.

 

We explore how you can express your feelings and needs in a way your partner can understand, without immediately feeling attacked.

 

Equally important is learning to listen to your partner without interpreting everything they say as criticism or feeling that you need to defend your own position.

 

This may sound straightforward, but when you have been caught in the same arguments for a long time, it can be surprisingly difficult.

 

My role is to help you have these conversations in a way that creates more understanding and emotional safety.

 

Rebuilding trust and emotional connection

When both partners begin to feel heard and understood, there is more room to reconnect.

 

In my experience, relationship difficulties often involve a loss of emotional safety. You may no longer feel certain that your partner is really there for you, or that you can be yourself without being judged.

 

Through EFT couples therapy, we work towards restoring that sense of safety and connection.

 

Sometimes it can also be helpful to have individual coaching sessions alongside couples therapy. These conversations can focus on your own underlying struggles, your reactions within the relationship and what you might be able to change, independently of your partner.

 

Couples therapy in English or Dutch in Amsterdam

I offer couples therapy in both English and Dutch at my practice in Amsterdam. Online sessions are also possible.

 

I have been running my own practice since 2011, working with individuals and couples. My background includes EFT relationship therapy, Co-Active Coaching, Pesso body-oriented therapy and EMDR.

 

I believe that people are capable of finding their own way forward, even when difficult emotions and recurring patterns make that hard to see.

 

As a therapist, I don't offer ready-made solutions or decide who is right or wrong. Instead, I help you understand each other more deeply and discover how you can create a different way of relating.

 

Would you like to know more or make an appointment? Feel free to contact me.

 

Coen

EFT couples therapist & coach